300… … … 1…2… 3… 4…. 5….
I count each bounce as I shh and rock Natalie. Who knew bouncing is legitimate exercise? Maybe this is why they call them “exercise balls” and have them at gyms.
32…33….34…35…
What time is it? Do I really want to know? 2:21.
44…45…46…47…
Ok, Logic. I can’t be here for the rest of forever. Eventually, she HAS to fall asleep…she’s human, right?
98…99…400… 1…
Hold her legs. She’s still kicking too hard.
Ah! Don’t hold them so hard! She’s waking up!
17…18…19…
2:25. Maybe I should try standing and rocking. Nah.
2:45. I think she’s asleep. Maybe 100 more bounces just to be sure.
Stop bouncing. Check. Still asleep? Ok. Stand…walk to the crib…check. Still asleep? Ok. Praise Jesus for long legs to make baby-crib-laying more manageable. Pacifier check. Still in? Ok. Move my arms without her noticing. Keep patting. Keep shhhing. Back away…slowly…
I go to the bathroom and get myself a drink of water before crawling into my own bed.
3:01. What if she wakes up in 45 minutes? I rocked her so long, maybe she’s already hungry again and I should just go feed her now so I can get a longer stretch.
What do I have tomorrow? 3:06 Am I going to have enough energy?
3:15 I’m so alone. Tomorrow’s a test day. Dada needs sleep.
3:22 Ugh. Why am I not asleep? She’s finally asleep! I need to be sleeping! I NEED SLEEP! THIS IS ALL I WANT! Now there’s only like an hour before she wakes up hungry again.
Stop Self. Remember.
Inhale: I can do. Exhale: All things. Inhale: Through He who. Exhale: Gives me strength.
Inhale: I can do. Exhale: All things. Inhale: Through He who. Exhale: Gives me strength.
Inhale: I can do. Exhale: All things. Inhale: Through He who. Exhale: Gives me strength.
Inhale: I can do. Exhale: All things….
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Coffee and Vulnerability 